Tag: journey

Words

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Always the same, like emotions, they are just our understanding of physiological responses to our thoughts.

Our body sweats, scared, fatigued, hot… simple. But then you see, the words get all twisted up and used to make people feel a certain way. Words should not push the feeling, feeling should push the word.

Then it all gets kinda complex. Do I feel the feeling because of the words or do I really see the thing and feel the truth. Or my truth at least.

Too many factors, the experiment would have too many variables to make a clear evaluation.

Anyway Paradise.

He laughed to himself.

Addiction

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It’s hard to say, I could stop and some days I decide today I won’t, but then something happens, friends call me up and we’re off again. I tell myself I don’t have anything better to do so I might as well enjoy now, and it takes the edge of things. You know calms the mind, dulls the mind… you don’t have to think so much. And look I once stoped for two days so it’s not like I can’t.

Ugly

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They were breathing heavily as they crossed the motorway. It had been a long walk along the side of the fence until they had found a way up and over. They crossed the lanes quickly as the traffic was thin and now with fatigue setting in they needed somewhere to sleep. Slipping and sliding across the loose earth on the banks below the metal barriers, they slowly forced their way through the thick brambles towards the silhouette of a building in the distance.

After 40 minutes or so they arrived, the windows and doors boarded up but the building looked solid. A concrete masterpiece. After a few minutes they found a gap in the fence and had climbed the sharp edges of the spiral staircase, when they reached the top Billy pushed forcefully against the old door and it caved in.

Laughter

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Her laugh, that’s what did it, she would start talking in a kind of mumble, struggling to make her point, then punctuate the words with laughter making her sentence incomprehensible. The laughter would start light but deepen and as it did, she became more and more desperate to make her point. Unfortunately more often than not she failed, hamstrung by her own happiness. After a moment or so her laughter would be so deep that no air could pass into her body, she would end up silencing herself. But it was sooo contagious, all I ever wanted to do was to hear that silence.

The Break Up

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I didn’t understand it. I had so many questions inside my head, but none of the answers that I could come up with made any sense. And the worst part, I couldn’t stop the thoughts, they constantly bombarded my every moment, it was exhausting.

By the time the third day after the break up came around I finally found the energy to pick myself up and do something healthy, to try and make me feel wanted again. Somehow I needed to feel good and worthy. So I did all the things that when I was happy I put off, it’s funny how when you are happy you don’t need to do anything, you feel loved and that’s enough, if you are loved then what you do doesn’t matter, success or failure you will be loved. But when you are down, wow, then you need some medicine.

But after one day of feeling myself again, I saw her, and she was with him. My heart melted and it was back to questions, self doubt and no sleep. I wondered how long it would last, would I feel shit forever? Would the sadness pass? I don’t know, I promised myself that time would heal me, to be patient, but my temper flared and there were moments where I could not control myself I became violent to myself. I was desperate to cry to release everything, but I couldn’t bring the tears, I was numb.

I tried to pick myself up again, restore some energy into my life, but all I could do was think of ways of getting her back. That was the wort thing, all this pain and suffering I was feeling, caused by her, and all I could do was try get her back, return it to the place it was before, the place I had left it, the time when everything between us was natural, when we didn’t have to think, we were just good together. It was magic, like I genuinely believe that it was magic. But was that what she felt at the time? I don’t know, it seemed that way, maybe she was just a great actress.

Sometimes Leaves Go Up

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They ran, they ran and ran, they couldn’t stop, not to think, not to look, not to pause for thought. They were making all the wrong decisions, they went right instead of left, they tried to scramble when they should have stuck to the path. They called to each other when they needed silence. But they tried. They both knew that there was a way, they both wanted to find a way, but every decision they made ended in a clash and because of this, they stopped. They stopped trying to escape and were caught.

And here only when hope was gone, when captivity was inevitable did they see each other, they felt each others touch, the pain and friction between them melted away, they looked into each other’s eyes and their hearts beat together. Despite the desperation in their situation, they smiled and felt the warm glow of each other’s love.

They turned away from each other, away from their captors and looked out across the countryside, the landscape was wild, unkept, the terrain uneven and the fauna sharp and aggressive. But there was a peacefulness to the energy, an acceptance from the couple in their fate. They smiled together and looked up to the clouds. As they stared towards the sky the autumn leaves rose up above them swirling, spinning, drifting, bouncing like a butterfly… sometimes leaves go up.

Open eyes

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‘I want to show you something’ Rachel said ‘follow me.’

Rachel led her sister down the steps to the bottom of the garden. There was no clear definition between the end of the garden and the field but after a few paces the semi manicured layout of nature became more random and wild.

‘Where are we going?’ Rachel’s sister complained.

‘Nowhere’ Rachel replied, knowing the quizzical nature of her response would annoy her sister.

‘For gods sake, I don’t really care what you are going to tell me, I don’t care for another lecture, I just want some internet.’

Rachel didn’t reply, she just kept on walking enjoying the process of navigating through the countryside.

After a while the pair arrived at the crest of the hill and peered down the valley. In front of them a mash of purple, yellow and beige lit up the landscape bringing a smile to Rachel’s face. ‘Now what do you think of that little sis?’

There was a pause as Rachel’s sister looked for her words. ‘Okay I like it, it’s nice, it’s pretty, but thats it, I don’t know why you have to walk me for half an hour across the countryside to see a bunch of fields. I can see them on the internet, if I had reception.’

‘But don’t you think it’s nice to see the colours with your eyes?’

hmmmm… Rachel’s sister sighed and sucked in some air through her teeth making a hissing sound, knowing what she was about to say was going to be controversial, ‘I don’t know… I think I am okay it’s nice but I’ve got better things to do, I don’t really care.’ She turned and looked at Rachel, nervous, fearing retaliation from her sister. But Rachel just shook her head, turned back to the view and let the colours in.

Bad News

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I didn’t really know what to think, so I sat in silence. Looking out at the ridge line waiting for the sunset to do its thing. And it did, those pinky blues lit up the horizon silhouetting the almond tree. But it wasn’t enough, the silence was uncomfortable, my thoughts confused. I just didn’t know how I was supposed to feel.

I sat there longer annoyed at myself for thinking about how I was supposed to feel rather than working out how I actually felt, but every time I tried to really feel I couldn’t draw the emotion out. So I sat in silence my emotions numb.

Thief

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He hid behind the tar barrel waiting for the sailor to move, time was short but if he went now he would definitely give his position away, so he sat, huddled, waiting.

There seemed to be some discussion about the theft but the facts that Toby could overhear didn’t worry him. They were thin on the ground and they definitely didn’t know he was aboard. The two sailors finally departed, Toby had his chance.

He crawled out from behind the barrel and crossed the deck, making sure to avoid the ropes and the wooden board, that looked as if might squeal and give his position away. He paused by the mast, double checked the last few meters and scrabbled to the ladder. Swiftly he spun around and climbed down, as he got close to the water he gave one last look back to the deck, no one, then slid into the water.

After six or seven strokes he was clear, he had to swim fast, but not make any sound, he kept his body low, deep in the water, taking long strokes praying the morning sun would not reveal him.

Finally he pulled himself up the pebbled beach and ran towards the undergrowth. He felt his pocket, it was still there. He let our a small cry of happiness, smiled and vanished into the olive grove.

Play

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Darkness was approaching, we had been on the road for 32hours, desperately seeking the sun. The journey had been long and in hindsight not too dramatic, but at that moment the patience levels were low and even the simplest of tasks, which kiosk to buy a celebratory beer from, had sparked conflict. We were tired.

As we took the first sips from the cold cans, a taste that in actual fact neither of us wanted, the smell of a pillow our only desire, the street lamps came on and there, under the yellow light, a child threw a basketball to his father. The ball slipped through his fingers and hit his chin, the child fell backwards laughing and his father raced over to wrestle with him. We were 100m down the road before I could see the outcome, but a smile crept across my face. We had made it.