When do you know you are rich? Is it the zero’s in your bank, the glitter on your finger or the husband on your arm?
The kindness in your heart, the children who adore you or the simple smile of a stranger. When do you know you are happy? Your ambition fulfilled, credited by those who you admire. Change someones opinion to your own or simply filled with good food and wine.
Is it when you have nothing but can still smile, to follow the lord and feel good about every action you take, to hate and to love again, to forgive another’s greatest sin.
Who knows and who cares in actual fact, each person will pursue their own track. But Rich is nature all around, dew crystals on cobwebs and a physical touch, a kiss from someone you love oh so much.
To stand in front of a dirty wall, with dirty feet and problems so so tall, but worry not the pressure you have to bear and smile to yourself with judgement fair.
She stumbled around inside the house looking for something to protect herself with. The dogs had been barking for the last 10 minutes and she now would have to be brave.
‘Nobody passed by…’ she said to herself. ‘No one…’ She scolded herself. ‘Stop it… It’s probably just a…’ The dogs let out a loud chorus. She picked up a knife and walked to the door.
Slowly she prised the door open to catch a glimpse of the intruder. The dogs howled again, but she couldn’t see, what was the cause of their anxiety? Then from behind the petrol pump stood a man dressed in black, black leather trousers and a jacket to match, his shoulders square and eyes shaded from the sun behind dark lenses. She pushed the door toward the frame reducing her vision but adding a greater sense of safety.
She held her breath as the man walked towards the gap in the fence, as he moved the dogs backed down, maintaining the volume of their alarm high starting to cower. All bark and no bite.
‘Kalimera’ the man cried out and she slammed the door shut.
We all sat there listening, but the day had been long and the workshops tiring. It felt like the heat from the sun had been bottled and poured into the room, the doors sealed, windows locked, suffocating our minds. But we tried. The content of the lecture was interesting but concentration hard. As I looked around the room I saw many yawns growing and eyes shutting, but I scolded myself and listened.
It is interesting when you start to think, words and sentences connect to your experiences and thoughts and then you start to make sense of a conversation you are having in your head, but then, something in the explanation doesn’t add up or there are words you don’t want to hear, so you change the narrative to make it fit. I suppose you will always see what you want to see, but the difficult part is to know what you are looking for.
I kept listening trying to come to a conclusion, but in the end it seemed like the lecturer was offering a silver bullet, the answer, he made his thoughts clear and told us the truth. I felt anxious, it wasn’t the truth I wanted to hear, but in made a lot of sense. Was I willing to listen to it? I suppose only time will tell. Are we all so similar that we can analyse behaviour and find the answer, or is life a little more individual than that. I hope we are more individual.
The lecture stopped and they opened the doors, a rush of cool evening air poured in and my mind immediately felt refreshed, time and thoughts, time and thoughts I said to myself. But not too many thoughts.
‘I want to show you something’ Rachel said ‘follow me.’
Rachel led her sister down the steps to the bottom of the garden. There was no clear definition between the end of the garden and the field but after a few paces the semi manicured layout of nature became more random and wild.
‘Where are we going?’ Rachel’s sister complained.
‘Nowhere’ Rachel replied, knowing the quizzical nature of her response would annoy her sister.
‘For gods sake, I don’t really care what you are going to tell me, I don’t care for another lecture, I just want some internet.’
Rachel didn’t reply, she just kept on walking enjoying the process of navigating through the countryside.
After a while the pair arrived at the crest of the hill and peered down the valley. In front of them a mash of purple, yellow and beige lit up the landscape bringing a smile to Rachel’s face. ‘Now what do you think of that little sis?’
There was a pause as Rachel’s sister looked for her words. ‘Okay I like it, it’s nice, it’s pretty, but thats it, I don’t know why you have to walk me for half an hour across the countryside to see a bunch of fields. I can see them on the internet, if I had reception.’
‘But don’t you think it’s nice to see the colours with your eyes?’
hmmmm… Rachel’s sister sighed and sucked in some air through her teeth making a hissing sound, knowing what she was about to say was going to be controversial, ‘I don’t know… I think I am okay it’s nice but I’ve got better things to do, I don’t really care.’ She turned and looked at Rachel, nervous, fearing retaliation from her sister. But Rachel just shook her head, turned back to the view and let the colours in.
I didn’t really know what to think, so I sat in silence. Looking out at the ridge line waiting for the sunset to do its thing. And it did, those pinky blues lit up the horizon silhouetting the almond tree. But it wasn’t enough, the silence was uncomfortable, my thoughts confused. I just didn’t know how I was supposed to feel.
I sat there longer annoyed at myself for thinking about how I was supposed to feel rather than working out how I actually felt, but every time I tried to really feel I couldn’t draw the emotion out. So I sat in silence my emotions numb.
Life From the Dirt 