Forever

‘There ain’t no thing man, it’s like a constant movement, constant state of flux’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘There is no forever’

‘Shut up, you are just using words to try and say something controversial, forever has as much weight as a word as constant movement.’

‘Eeeeerrr well constant movement is two words for starters, and has more letters so for sure it has more weight.’

Tom sneered at Greg, he was always coming up with these weird and sometimes wonderful, sometimes not, impressions or cliches, but Tom liked it. Even if he did put him down all the time.

‘Look all I am saying is the road won’t go on forever… at one point it will stop, there will be a red light or a round about or simply a dead end.’

Greg was in full swing.

‘Okay you want to play that game… If we look at the road system all across the country I think you will find that they all connect in one way or another, therefore the road does go on forever.’

Greg paused for thought, ‘but it has to stop at the sea.’

‘Well hold on’ an idea popped into Tom’s head and he smiled, ‘take a circle would you agree that if we put a pulse, you know like the one in France that races around a circle…’

‘I feel sorry for that pulse, it must be so tired’ Greg interjected.

‘Shhhh, I am making a point… if we put a pulse into a circle it would continue forever.’

‘Well…’

‘Shut up’ Tom snapped, ‘I realise it will need force and all that but we are discussing forever, a circle goes on forever.’

‘Okay okay’ Greg agreed, he wanted to hear more

‘If we look at the road system as an interconnected forever circle, put a pulse through it, it would go on forever, despite the sea, all roads lead to London and all that.’

‘Hmmmm… I am not sure’

‘We need a map, I bet you all the roads in the country are interconnected. They have to be… Otherwise we wouldn’t be able to get from A to B… I’ll prove it, get on the bike we need to buy a map… wheres the nearest shop?’

The boys got on the bike and set off Greg turned to Tom.

‘Mate I don’t think we will find a shop around here, this road goes on forever…’

The boys burst into laughter as they raced away.

The Wild

She stumbled around inside the house looking for something to protect herself with. The dogs had been barking for the last 10 minutes and she now would have to be brave.

‘Nobody passed by…’ she said to herself. ‘No one…’ She scolded herself. ‘Stop it… It’s probably just a…’ The dogs let out a loud chorus. She picked up a knife and walked to the door.

Slowly she prised the door open to catch a glimpse of the intruder. The dogs howled again, but she couldn’t see, what was the cause of their anxiety? Then from behind the petrol pump stood a man dressed in black, black leather trousers and a jacket to match, his shoulders square and eyes shaded from the sun behind dark lenses. She pushed the door toward the frame reducing her vision but adding a greater sense of safety.

She held her breath as the man walked towards the gap in the fence, as he moved the dogs backed down, maintaining the volume of their alarm high starting to cower. All bark and no bite.

‘Kalimera’ the man cried out and she slammed the door shut.

Under the Surface

I suffered a lot with my own thoughts, couldn’t keep up with them. They rolled around in my head like a separate entity, like they had a mind of their own. Sometimes I felt clear, confident, in control and then the next minute I was inventing stories, dreaming up a narrative of other people’s behaviour and those stories hurt. They were completely fictional, but to me they were a stronger reality than the truth.

Did any one realise that below the surface my thoughts were complicated, had anyone asked the question, ‘how are you?’. I needed someone to ask, to relieve the tension, because if they didn’t perhaps the spring would snap, perhaps I would break.

The Break Up

I didn’t understand it. I had so many questions inside my head, but none of the answers that I could come up with made any sense. And the worst part, I couldn’t stop the thoughts, they constantly bombarded my every moment, it was exhausting.

By the time the third day after the break up came around I finally found the energy to pick myself up and do something healthy, to try and make me feel wanted again. Somehow I needed to feel good and worthy. So I did all the things that when I was happy I put off, it’s funny how when you are happy you don’t need to do anything, you feel loved and that’s enough, if you are loved then what you do doesn’t matter, success or failure you will be loved. But when you are down, wow, then you need some medicine.

But after one day of feeling myself again, I saw her, and she was with him. My heart melted and it was back to questions, self doubt and no sleep. I wondered how long it would last, would I feel shit forever? Would the sadness pass? I don’t know, I promised myself that time would heal me, to be patient, but my temper flared and there were moments where I could not control myself I became violent to myself. I was desperate to cry to release everything, but I couldn’t bring the tears, I was numb.

I tried to pick myself up again, restore some energy into my life, but all I could do was think of ways of getting her back. That was the wort thing, all this pain and suffering I was feeling, caused by her, and all I could do was try get her back, return it to the place it was before, the place I had left it, the time when everything between us was natural, when we didn’t have to think, we were just good together. It was magic, like I genuinely believe that it was magic. But was that what she felt at the time? I don’t know, it seemed that way, maybe she was just a great actress.

Boredom

‘Sorry mate. It’s a nightmare, there are so many conversations going on at once, I don’t know who to answer.’

‘I didn’t have one conversation’

‘Yes we did, we talked about Muji’

‘You talked about Muji’

Silence… John sat back in his seat and drank his coffee, his mind was a blur with questions and answers, for jobs he had to do that day, for people he had to see and for Mary, he had to spend some time with her. But he knew those things should wait, he needed to speak honestly with Chris, he knew he was unhappy and he wanted to listen to him, but then he had to go and help Rebecca.

‘What you gonna do for Christmas?’

There was a long pause as Chris stared out of the window toward the sea. ‘Duno, go to Turkey?’ He said asking the question to himself.

‘Or stay here?’ John encouraged.

‘Hmmmm…’

Chris picked up his empty glass and walked toward the bar. As he did Elizabeth burst through the door.

‘John, hey mate, how’s it going?’

‘Yeeees, how the fuck are you?’ John shrieked standing from his seat.

Elizabeth slalomed through the tables and jumped up into John’s arms, they held each other smiling.

‘I missed you’

‘Yea me too’

‘We need to…’ Elizabeth burst into a long monologue about the potential theatre ideas she and John had been discussing over the last three months, John listened and in the background Chis slipped away. He attempted a goodbye, but it was too late Elizabeth had all of John’s attention.

Chris walked toward the beach, along the promenade, his mind empty, not angry, not sad, just empty. The path was deserted, old, abandoned and in need of a lick of paint. His eyes jumped from one closed building to the next. Bored, the grey on grey reminded him of his own thoughts. He sighed to himself desperate for some inspiration, but kinda happy there wasn’t anything there. He kept walking until he was far enough away from the hubbub of the cafe and sat down next to kiosk.

Causing Chaos Two

The boys hid in the reeds watching through the mist. They were pretty certain the hunters had gone, but there was no guarantee that they would not return.

‘So what’s the plan?’

‘We need to get the shotgun cartridges.’

‘How do we know where they are?’

‘We don’t that’s why we have to go and have a look.’

‘So they might not even be in the hut, they could have taken them with them.’

Joseph and Andrew had been set another task, this time however it wasn’t part of the initiation it was part of what they did, causing chaos. Out on the lake there were a series of huts on stilts for the duck hunters. The lake wasn’t fenced so the boys could get to the hut without ‘trespassing’, but out in the open, on the lake, there was a high possibility of being spotted and perhaps shot at, deliberately or by accident.

‘Why do we need the cartridges anyway?’

‘Look it’s not our job to ask questions, you have to wait a few years before you can ask questions. Robin will have a plan.’

‘You think he has a gun?’ Joseph asked, Andrew paused letting the words bounce around in his head.

‘I don’t know’ he answered honestly, thinking about the repercussions of getting shot gun cartridges for a real gun. ‘That’s not for thinking abut now, we got to get what we have been told to get and then… Well then we think about the next…’ He trailed off.

Joseph frowned unsatisfied by the answer, but wasn’t brave enough to challenge any more. ‘Shall we swim?’

The boys took off their shirts, trousers and lowered themselves into the water. It was August, but the lake was still cold, the cold ran through their bodies as they tiptoed into the water, clay oozing up in-between their toes. Taking one last breath Andrew lowered his chest into the water and started swimming. Quietly Joseph followed.

It didn’t take them long to arrive at the hut, they circled the building weaving in and out of the pillars in the water looking for some steps up. The poles were slippery, coated in green slime, but at the back Joseph found some steps, he beckoned to Andrew and they hauled themselves onto the platform.

Shivering the two boys scanned the lake’s perimeter, the mist was thick and their movements seemed to have gone unnoticed. Andrew knelt down by the entrance, pressing his ear to the door checking for signs of activity inside. Joseph flicked his head toward Andrew as if to ask if he could hear anything. Andrew shook his head in response, stood clasped the handle, paused, twisted and burst into the room.

It was empty, well, uninhabited at least. There was a sigh of relief and the boys set to work looking for shotgun cartridges.

‘Anything?’ Joesph asked

‘It’s all fishing stuff, bait, rods, tins of meat, look at this’ Andrew held up a tin of smoked sardines, ‘this box is full, I think whoever comes here has a bit of an addiction. You?’

‘Nope, petrol cans, blankets and cooking stuff.’

‘Any shot guns?’ The boys laughed. ‘Joe hold on, come here.’ Andrew had pulled back an old tarpaulin revealing a crate. Joseph crossed the room.

‘What you got?’

‘Shot gun cartridges’ Andrew replied looking at his mate and then back to a red box with ammunition written on it and a drawing of shot gun cartridges. Joseph reached down picked it up and opened the lid.

‘Lara croft?’

Causing Chaos

‘So you want to be one of us?’ Robin announced after a long hiatus, Joseph nodded in reply. ‘Well it’s not that easy you know…’ Joseph didn’t flinch, kept control of his emotions and looked back into Robin’s eyes, not too fiercely, but enough to show he could stand his ground.

‘We can test him first’ Andrew chimed in.

‘Of course we’re gonna test him, everyone gets tested.’ Andrew looked away sheepishly. ‘You think you are up for that?’ he added talking to the new recruit.

Joseph looked up from the floor and nodded, ‘I am fast, what do I have to do?’

The crew nodded at each other. The boys were all sitting in the attic of the ruin at the top of the village, they had transformed it into a base for their crew and met each weekend to organise their next mission. Today was the induction of a new lad, Joseph, who had just arrived in town.

There was some chatter between the crew and after a few moments Joseph turned to the new boy.

‘Okay listen and listen good, I am only gonna say this once.’ Silence fell around the room. ‘First we gonna blindfold you and take you to the centre of town, you gotta find Mr Finlay’s shop and get into the attic, I’ll give you a clue, there is an old fire escape at the back, it’s not solid but if you are quick you’ll get up it.’ The boys all looked at each other, sly smiles emerging on their faces. ‘Then once you are up there you gotta open one of his old chests, I ain’t gonna tell which one you gotta go for, but you gotta find a skull, the bigger the better.’ Robin paused and signalled around the room with his eyes.

Joseph followed his gaze and saw seven or eight large unidentified skulls hanging on a rope high in the room. He hadn’t noticed them before. Robin continued.

‘Once you got the skull you gotta make you way through the alley ways and back to us, but watch out there maybe a few extra challenges on the way.’

Home

They had been walking through the night and were tired, not only from the lack of sleep, but from the mental fatigue. Hopping from shadow to shadow had taken its toll and the two of them were ready to rest their eyes.

They had followed the gorge for the last few hours and as they rounded the bend they saw the entrance to the cave. James stopped turned to Tom and lowered his hand gently to the floor. Understanding the instruction Tom sank to the ground and crawled on his belly to the rock that James was using for cover.

James pointed at his eyes with a forked fore and middle finger and then pointed at the cave. At the entrance stood a fridge, some chairs stacked on top of each other, what looked like an electricity cable running to the apex of the roof and a beautifully tiled floor.

Tom shook his head and they shrank to the the ground and onto their backs staring up at the stars in the sky.

‘No way’ Tom said

‘I am shattered mate, I can’t keep going and the sun will come up soon, then what?’

‘It’s too dangerous, look at it people live there, it’s not like some abandoned goat shelter, people look like they have made a home there.’

‘Well what do you suggest then? We just keep walking until the sun comes up and we collapse on the road!’

‘James’ Tom said sternly ‘I am not trying to be shitty I am as tired as you are, but you heard what they said about bandits on this road, that, over there looks like bandit territory.’

‘Remember that sign we saw yesterday, with the shot gun holes in it.’ James rocked his head sideways in agreement, ‘well I for one don’t want to be used for target practice.’

James sighed and the pair turned from their eyes from sky back down to the cave.

‘Okay, well I am gonna sleep here then, I can’t go on anymore, you can take first watch.’

There was a loud crack like a stick being broken, then the sound of rocks falling towards them. James and Tom both sat up straight fatigue vanishing in an instance.

‘Were you asleep?’ James blurted out

‘No… yea… I don’t know.’ Tom replied panicking

‘For F*** Sake!’

More stones tumbled towards them and then a deep voice from above. What was shouted they could not comprehend, but they didn’t wait for the translation. The two boys leapt up and bolted down the mountain side. Slipping and sliding, hopping, jumping and falling they scrambled towards the cave. A shot rang out behind them.

‘Which way?’ Tom called out.

‘The cave’ James replied

Crack! another shot rang out

‘No way, the gorge, go downstream. We gotta get to the river. Go go go…’

Play

Darkness was approaching, we had been on the road for 32hours, desperately seeking the sun. The journey had been long and in hindsight not too dramatic, but at that moment the patience levels were low and even the simplest of tasks, which kiosk to buy a celebratory beer from, had sparked conflict. We were tired.

As we took the first sips from the cold cans, a taste that in actual fact neither of us wanted, the smell of a pillow our only desire, the street lamps came on and there, under the yellow light, a child threw a basketball to his father. The ball slipped through his fingers and hit his chin, the child fell backwards laughing and his father raced over to wrestle with him. We were 100m down the road before I could see the outcome, but a smile crept across my face. We had made it.